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Cure For a Broken Heart


There is a myth that goes something like this:

  1. When we care about someone, we naturally feel bad when they're gone. 
  2. When we don't care, we naturally don't feel any sort of discomfort.

In order to show (ourselves and others) that we care, one sensation that we might feel could be described as "broken hearted."

This feeling has nothing at all to do with nature but everything to do with what we've been taught.

When you analyze human suffering throughout the ages, you will see that we have all been expected to feel unhappy when we don't get what we want.

We use unhappiness to motivate ourselves to take action. The reasoning behind this is a simple one: If we aren't uncomfortable in some way, then it probably isn't that important. We don't trust that just desire alone will give us the momentum. Somehow, we have associated negative emotions as the fuel needed to create the desired behavior.

Like many constructs, at first glance there seems to be a hint of truth to this notion. Many times, we have seen ourselves as well as others take action only when they become angry, irritated, annoyed, frustrated, etc. about a situation. Less often do we see people take action when they seem happy.

But what isn't observed or recorded is the amount of damage that occurs when someone continually generates negative emotions prior to taking action.

Murder, destruction, disease. All of these can be attributed to negative emotional states.

There is also a myth that says "If I don't show my outrage at [whoever], then nothing will be done about it."

Once again, on the surface there seems to be some truth to this. But this has more to do with someone's inability to choose the most effective method of persuading that other person, rather than the effectiveness of that emotion. In fact, more often than not, using anger as a negotiating strategy actually backfires. How many times have you heard someone say, "If [whoever] hadn't gotten angry at me, I would have agreed with their request?" The anecdotal evidence is there; it's just that we tend to ignore it, at our own peril.

Although it seems like a quantum leap to choose letting go emotionally of someone we love very much, consider your options:

You can remain miserable. If you don't think this affects your physical health, think again.

  • Having a broken heart means carrying the emotional burden with you everywhere. All of your decisions will be clouded by this layer of feelings.
  • Your ability to be "in the right place at the right time" is severely diminished.
  • Buying into the notion that there is nothing you can do about your state of mind (other than attempting to divert it with different activities) becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

To help you a little further along, imagine that you are a Martian and this is your first trip to planet Earth. When you ask a question, it would be like that of a child, with the intent of learning. You wouldn't already know the answers. Does this make sense? (continued on next page...)

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