One of the most rewarding, yet challenging skills to learn in relationship building is overcoming rejection.
Everyone seeks that ability but few understand the real mechanism behind it.
Rejection is your emotional interpretation of a relationship "event" that you perceived as being "bad" for you. And while that sounds obvious, what's not so obvious are the things you tell yourself after you've been turned down. In this article, you're going to learn how the process works and what you can do to make approaching someone much easier.
You might believe that getting lots of exposure, i.e., being in many situations where you are romantically rebuffed will make you "immune" to future rejection.
That simply isn't true. It's not like diving into cold water and eventually becoming acclimated to the temperature. It will only get worse...until you really listen to your own internal dialogue.
The reality is, the more you "feel" rejected, the more likely you will avoid relationship opportunities in the future; no different than the the salesman who "burns out" and stops showing up to pitch the next sale. He literally programs himself to "quit."
Overcoming rejection isn't just a matter of clenching your jaws together and swearing, "I'm not going to let this bother me!" either. That isn't any more effective than telling yourself you're not going to be hungry when you haven't eaten all day. You have to change the way you talk to yourself. You have to change your "explanatory style".
Explanatory styles come in two main categories. You'll recognize both of them instantly:
Optimistic and Pessimistic
These words have been thrown around for quite a few years, often misinterpreted or just not clearly understood. Yet choosing between these two styles will determine, without fail, whether you find the love of your life, repair a broken marriage, or just dream about it.
Let's create a scenario where a guy goes up to a girl at a party:
He introduces himself and begins a conversation. It lasts for a few minutes, then she decides to excuse herself. He requests a way to contact her so that they might continue to talk at another time and place. She declines and walks away. The guy stands there, processing the "event". He concludes that she "rejected" him and he decides that it's time for him to leave the party, even though he's only been there for 18 minutes. (continued on next page...)